Babes in the silly woods

I'm a nerd. Is that a surprise? It shouldn't be. 

I'm a nerd because every year, I make it a point to go to the Pittsburgh Renaissance Festival held in the silly woods of back-country southwestern Pennsylvania. 

Why? What happens in the silly woods? Nothing? Everything? Nothing? 

Firstly, I go because I love that the Society for Creative Anachronism welcomes any/every type of weirdo that needs a place to call home. 

You like Pirates? We like Pirates! 

You weigh 400 lbs? Come wear a corset in public!

You like kilts? We won't mock you!

You want to wear a tail? We can't stop you from doing that!

Secondly, I am fascinated by glass blowing, and am convinced that if it weren't for my insurmountable clumsiness, I would be some sort of glass sculpturist. So I go to see the hilarious bearded man make tankards and fish vases out of molten glass, crack the same jokes repeated, and talk about the glory hole in a shack in the silly woods. 

Thirdly, and MOST importantly, I return to the Renaissance Festival year after year for one single, glorious culinary triumph:

The Giant Smoked Turkey Leg.

My partner in crime and I donned our corsets (Because why not?) and continued our carnal pursuit of gluttonous happiness, henna tattoos, matching rings, diving beers, dumplings and cobblers, and bondedness.

The weekend we went was Oktoberfest, and the last weekend of the festival. The sun was shining brightly, the food was great, and the company could not be beat. 

The only downside is that now I have to wait another whole year before I can make it with a turkey leg again.

SImplicity: Nostalgia.... again.

This is Chocolate Graham Crackers with Peanut Butter and it was my dinner one night last week.

Another one of my favorite childhood treats. 

Smorgasbord 2: Electric Boogaloo

Another quick rundown of the very delicious things that have been occupying my time.

Whimsically chronicled, Because that's how I roll.


Bites and Bites and Bites and Brews:
K and I celebrated our reunion after Dewey by doing laundry and consuming an entire Bites and Brews pizza. Glutenous Maximus.

Piccolo Forno:

Kenny took me to lunch at Piccolo Forno one sunny beautiful afternoon, since we tried going to Alchemy and Ale, and it was inexplicably closed. The last time I tried to go to Piccolo Forno it was with KP on Valentimes. It was worth the wait!

Best Lasagna I've ever had. The Frutti di Mare wasn't terrible either.

Super Lemon Baby Cakes:

When K wants to express her feelings to someone, she captures them in a recipe that she has spent hours and hours perfecting (MORE ON THIS LATER). In this case, a special someone who loves lemon and Marvel Comics got himself his very own superhero shaped lemon pound cakes. I was lucky enough to be there for most of the experimentation. Thor, anyone?

Soup's On:

 AJ, who professed not to know how to cook, turned out to be kind of a liar on that front. Spicy broth, udon noodles, lime juice, chicken, veggies. Beautifully simple. Now a go-to comfort meal for me.

Holy Mole:
Thrill always challenges me to try new things. Like Chicken Mole burritos and jalapeno mashed potatoes. He's a genius.

JMac and Cheese:

One of my favorite restaurants downtown is Six Penn, for two reasons:

1. I can go on a Wednesday after rehearsal, order "the usual" and end up with a Maker's Mark Manhattan.

2. Sage Aioli and Tater Tots.

I've tried desperately to recreate the sage aioli to no avail.

One night before rehearsal, I got to enjoy a lovely dinner with JMac. Tater tots, smoked wings, Buffalo Mac and Cheese (Not Pictured, because as previously stated, I am a goob)

Pie Time:
When I hit another one of my crazy stress-baking phases, I said goodbye to my last 4 pints of hand picked blueberries and made a lactard friendly blueberry pie for the Family Dinner Emmys viewing party. It's no sink pie, but it got good critical reviews.

Oktoberfest:

 There's a Sharp Edge downtown that I haven't publicly embarrassed myself in (yet). Two of my favorite foods: Buffalo Wings and Soft Pretzels with three of my favorite coworkers: Jess, Shaira, and Aidan.

 Taco Time:
Sometimes, my life is really lovely in unexpected ways. On a day when the bosses were all out at a golf outing (that the assistants were not invited to. seriously? I have my own golf clubs! Cut me a break!) I had to find some new way to keep myself busy. So I spent the morning listening to Elliott Smith and taking out my pent up agression on a giant block of ice in the freezer. I spent the afternoon enjoying a potluck taco party with my coworkers, and playing putt putt in the supply room with a putter I nicked from my team directors office.

The Spotted South Side Fawn:

I was lucky enough to be able to host my friend Katie for a while before she moved to Texas.  Katie is one of those people that you meet and instantly feel at home with. She's bright and funny and can drink like a fish. We are kindred spirits. I'm so happy we had a little time together.

Unfortunately since we both have bonkers schedules, we only got to spend limited time together. One night she took me to the Bicycle Bar on South Side, with our friends Katie and Kelly, whom we also barely get to see. $1 PBR Pounders, Pierogies, Seitan Wings with three different sauces, and Pepper Jack Cheese Sticks (why had I not thought of this before!)

After which we embarked on a very short nature walk viewing South Side's native Flora and Fauna. Promptly followed by a torrential downpour in true Pittsburgh fashion. 

Childish Indulgences: Whole Foods Edition:

O came to visit for Labor Day and I can't find any other pictures of what we ate besides this. Which is fine because Cheese danishes and Vanilla Milk Juice boxes are pretty much the only thing I ever want to eat ever.

Butternut Bac 'n' Cheese:
This is homemade mac and cheese with roasted butternut squash and bacon, with string beans in mustard dill sauce. That feeling you're feeling right now? It's Jealousy.

Compromise:

I wanted Steak, K wanted hot sandwiches. Hence open faced steak sandwiches with an Asian medley of vegetables. I sang "I'm dreaming of a hot sandwich" to it.

 Family Dinner:
It has been far too long. Gnocchi and Vodka sauce with the family, followed by a rousing game of catch phrase, in which one might say "Don't you run into me.... because that's what you are"

CPK Therapy:
How does BBQ Chicken Bacon Pizza and Greek Pizza with Avocado make you feel? Pretty damn good? Yeah, me too.

You're Welcome, Dewey

This was the greatest week of my life. This was, without a doubt, The Good Life.

There aren't really words to describe it, so I'll try to use as few as possible. Ready? 5 6 7 8.....

1. "When I came to, I was at an all-you can eat crab legs buffet, breaking them in half just to stay in the game" is the best story I have ever told.

2. The only mystery we can't solve is the Case of the Missing Jim Beam Handle.

3. FIRE BALL

4. Kenny's dare will always come with a costume and a dance number.

5. Pants Off Dance Off will include the entire condo complex, whether they like it or not.

6. Jersey Shore? More like Dewey Shore.

7. I'm no sailor, but that's a set-up if I've ever seen one.

8.We are good eaters.

Pasta Bolognaise, Crab Mac n Cheese, Boulliabaise, some of the best seafood any of us has ever eaten for Kenny's Birthday, Clam Steam, Sink Pie, Midnight Footlong  Hot Dogs, Grapefruit Crushes, Nachos which demanded to be serenaded to, Red Stripe, Crab Legs, Broiled Feasts, Bacon Ice Cream, Chocolate on the beach, Indian food for homecoming.

Dear Friends,

You are angels and drunks

You are Magi

Old Friends

You stuck a pin in a map I was in

And you are the stars I navigate home by

~Elbow "Dear Friends"

The Benedict's Hers and Hers and His (and Hers)

This was a busy one.

Justin, a good friend from college, came to visit, and we ate ALL THE THINGS.

Justin was a bartender at the Firehouse, which was my bar of choice. He also happened to live down the street, and be a generally great human being. So we hit it off pretty well. We would spontaneously go to Princeton for a Ween show, or to Maryland to see our friends' percussion group play. 

 He's a very easy going person, and is generally willing to put up with whatever crazy shenanigans I subject him to, and this was no exception. I wanted to introduce him to as many of my fabulous friends as possible.

We started on Friday night with some Mendelfriends, Nathan and Dave. After an apertif at Kelly's Lounge, we headed to Abay, armed with two bottles of wine. 

I can't remember what we picked to eat, but half of it was Vegan and the other half was whatever the opposite of vegan is. 

The next day we walked to Brgr with Thrill

Which was perfection as usual.

(Side note: I finally had a hard milkshake from Brgr. And I may never be the same again.)

And he got to hear the now famous story of BA v. The Retaining Wall.

Later we went over to Shaira's for a Floor 30 dinner party, where a good number of things happened:

1. Shaira and her sister Ruby made tons of amazing food:

Stuffed Peppers, Spiced Chicken with Yogurt Sauce, Couscous, Smoked Salmon Crostinis, Grilled Peach and Brie Quesadillas. 

2. Lots of N'Sync videos on Youtube

3. Aidan gave us her very own Drunk History lesson where she covered everything from the Roman Empire, to the Salem Witch Trials, to Adolf History. I am still kicking myself for not filming this, as Aidan is the funniest person alive.

4. Jess and I were threatened with physical violence for not eating enough, even though we had both unbuttoned our pants at that point.

And finally, we brunched with K and her sister, who was also visiting. We went to the New Elbow Room, where all four of us ordered the exact same meal.

Crab and Asparagus Eggs Benedict

and Mimosas.

After which we watched My Fair Lady and The Odd Sea, the musical that Justin himself helped create.

No matter how long it is between visits, Justin always manages to make me feel like I'm home.  He has seen me at my best, and my worst. 

He's a good friend. And I'm happy to have him.

Daycay: StayGay

GAYCATION 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

or

CHUPASHOPERA: The opera-going, underwearing-buying monster

You may remember last gaycation being a wild spectacle of travelling whimsy. 

This gaycation was all about doing familiar things in a very different way.

Originally, the plan was to gay it up Cincy style by staying the weekend, catching a Reds game, etc etc. Instead, this time:

We went to the opera IN CINCINNATI

We went underwear shopping AT FREDERICK'S OF HOLLYWOOD

We took the day off work TO GO TO A BASEBALL GAME

We ate at a hibachi OK THIS ONE ISN'T VERY DIFFERENT

We got tickets to one of our favorite operas, Die Zauberflote, at the Cincinnati Opera, and took off early Sunday morning for the middle of Ohio. One of the great things about travelling with K is that a 5 hour car ride doesn't feel nearly that long when you're singing TLC at the top of your lungs.
We found a Japanese Hibachi next to the mall, where we completely gorged ourselves before heading over to Fredrick's to spend way too much money on BONKERS underwear (Corsets? Garter Belts? Lacy Things? All of the above.)
And then there was the opera.
This was the first time I've seen Die Zauberflote live in German, and this one had PUPPETS.
For those of you who do not know, a hefty portion of my relationship with K revolves around an almost unsettling affinity to puppets and Muppet movies. It's endearing, in a way.
The opera was everything I hoped it would be, entertaining, spectacularly sung, full of puppets (yes I will stop with the puppets now), and including some really yummy sugar-free peanuts at intermission. 

In the spirit of daycation, we turned right around and headed home. Which turned out to be much more taxing than either of us had anticipated. We stopped at Ruby Tuesday, somewhere in Bumblefuck, Ohio, which is usually a pretty mundane dining experience.  Instead we managed to completely off-put another waiter; and eat turkey burgers, Smashed cauliflower, and some sort of Italian sweet cake like the queens we undoubtedly are. At this point we were pretty exhausted, hence the two rather distressed looking pictures you see above. That cheddar biscuit was delicious, despite the horrified face I was making.

Our GPS sent us on an atrocious side road, and we ended up back home at 1:30 AM. Lesson Learned: Cincy Daycay is a ballbuster.

The next day, we recovered by leisurely making our way to Lawrenceville to go to the Round Corner Cantina before going to see the World Famous Pittsburgh Pirates play the Chicago Cubs.

We sat outside under an awning, and it immediately began raining as soon as we got our pitcher of margarita. Good timing.

Three kinds of salsa, two kinds of taco, and one kind of awesome later, we headed to PNC Park.

Our seats were impeccable, almost directly behind home plate. Every man who saw us trying to take pictures of ourselves eating a footlong hotdog in tandem offered to help. Baseball Helmet Sundae. Soft Pretzel. I honestly don't remember how the game ended, because all I remember is being incredibly happy.

So there you have it: The long overdue tale of gaycation/daycation/staycation. 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/akhmat/sets/72157627212299189/

Shepherdess' Pies

I'd like to invite my favorite guest blogger back to tag team this experience with me. Take it away, K:

I’m not sure where to start this post.  So many points would be pertinent choices from which to jump.  Let’s try a seriously abridged crack at each one and see how that shakes out for us.  *Ahem*

1.        Since puberty, I have had crazy, jacked up hair, defying not just my wishes, but really nature itself, and all reason, to boot.  Nobody fucking knows how to cut my hair.  I can say and have said, that I have never gotten a good haircut anywhere besides Philip Pelusi (a local salon chain that has some signature (“volumetric”) way of hair-cutting, the details of which are a total mystery to me).  I can also say, and have also said, that I have only gotten good haircuts at Pelusi salons.  Wild.

2.       Pittsburgh’s South Side is the urban neighborhood equivalent of a cum dumpster.  It’s precisely where people go when they’re looking to drink til they blackout/ vomit in the street/ have sex with a stranger in a public bathroom. Parking there is the worst nightmare you could produce from the sickest recesses of your nasty little mind.  I hate the South Side and seize every opportunity to never fucking go anywhere near it.

3.       British food has a reputation for being terrible.  Actually, it’s very delicious.  Pittsburgh’s very own British Pub (Piper’s) has a glowing reputation for its delectable English/Irish fare.

4.        BA and I do most things together, most of the time.  Surely you knew that already.

This seems like a decent foundation for the tale I’ll now begin.

Once every 6 weeks to 4 months, I make a pilgrimage to Pittsburgh’s South Side for a haircut.  I usually try to do this at a time when the nonstop bacchanal over there hits a lull.  As I really do my best to not go to the South Side for any other reason, I often have other things in mind that I wouldn’t mind doing, since I’m there anyway.  On this particular occasion, I convinced BA to meet me over there after work for a trip to the CD Exchange to sell some crap movies for tuppence, a pop-in to the Milkshake Factory for some red velvet ice cream (what?!), and a post-haircut trip to Piper’s, where BA had somehow never yet been.

Ice Cream Not Pictured

That the ice cream was delicious goes without saying.  No one is terribly surprised that the haircut was a great success.  The real heart of this post is what happened once B and I rolled into Piper’s.

The hair cut, BTW, is completely amazing. I literally squealed with delight upon seeing it.

Our waiter was a preposterously genial Irish fellow who flirted like mad with both of us the entire time and earned every cent of his tip.  We started with a couple of beers (Full Pint White Lightning and a Summer LOve which actually tastes exactly like Love) and an appetizer that could best be described as some kind of cheese, some kind of butter, and some kind of mountain of bread and apples.  I don’t know if she remembers more specifics than that.  Whatever kind of whatever it was, it was ridonkulicious.

 Ploughman's Platter

Complete with a discussion about the difference between Merkins and Gherkins. 

I learned what a Merkin was and K learned what a Gherkin was. The More You Know, I guess.

The main event, and really the point of the trip to Piper’s in the first place, was the magnificent order we subsequently placed for 

HERS AND HERS SHEPHERDS' PIE

Mine was lamb and roasted chestnut and sheer heaven.  B’s was a more traditional beef triumph.  Both would’ve been monstrous in size even if we hadn’t eaten a thing all day.  From the perspective of two classy broads who had snarfed ice cream an hour before and just put away a small village’s worth of some-kind-of-appetizer, the task at hand was, shall we say, imposing.

Oh come on, were you really wondering if we ate it all?  BITCH PLZ. We housed that shit, and that Irish waiter couldn’t have been prouder. (At one point, distressed beyond the telling of it, staring down about half of a shepherd's pie, I contemplated throwing in the towel. After much chiding from my lovely counterpart and the also lovely in a very different way waiter, I grabbed my fork with conviction, declared MAN UP!, and continued to visibly distend myself).  It took us days to return to our original size, shape and level of abdominal comfort.  But our glory has never been more vast.


So a new tradition is born. Coiffures and Copious Consumption.